remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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