is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
