Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
