Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
