bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
