my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
