At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are a genius and a whore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize