dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
