That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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