she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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