I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
