i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize