Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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