How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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