Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Bring me that man meat
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
