Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
