Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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