First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
