yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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