I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
