Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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