we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
