well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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