Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
