So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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