hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
