Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
