Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
