I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
