and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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