i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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