I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
