Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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