Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
