check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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