I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
