Will you blow on my dice?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
