I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
