i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have post one night stand depression
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