I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize