If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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