Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
