My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My feet surprised me
Randomize
