I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
