you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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