the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
