no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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