I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
