SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
