I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
