there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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