I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
