too bad you live with your parents still
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
