I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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