ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
