I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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