Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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