can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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