i don't plan on having that self control this summer
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You are the jesus of drinking
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
