i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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