please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
