I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
