You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
