Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
