it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
