I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
