plz talk dirty to me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
