he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We're too hungover to prance.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
