It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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