just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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