Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
