If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
