So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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