my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
