Porn is love you can see.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
