we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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