uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
