how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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